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Poster: GentleJackJones Date: Jan 3, 2007 10:34am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: A lurker speaks out

I have read with sorrow the thread that began when one of our sisters posted a link about a deadhead who died anonymously some time ago. Some of you feel that this is a hoax, which is an insult to the poster, whom you apparently respect. Others find the dead of this young man to be funny.

Now another member of the forum--someone who writes interesting, intelligent posts and who saw the group before most of you were born, points out that you are not only offending the original poster, but mocking the dead as well.
What do you hope to gain from this? Alienating Dancinbears? Orchiddoctor (you did that rather well)? Pointing out that you are cold and thoughtless? Did one of you take her seriously and offer to help or say something kind?

I realize that only a handful of you are sarcastic assholes, but you are the vocal ones--the noisy ones. Maybe you should think more an write less. Then maybe more of us "lurkers" would feel comfortable.

In the meantime--try apologizing to Dancinbears for trying to be a good person and live up to the ideals which were common back in the day.

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Poster: Earl B. Powell Date: Jan 3, 2007 2:27pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: A lurker speaks out

Jack: Obviously Dancinbear took it seriously, as I believe her sensibilities and nature bought into what I didn't exactly find credible. Face it, the link was written like a dog shelter ad to take a stray puppy home. What should have been factual and frank, was made to sound like a personal ad from the twilight zone.

If in fact, this is an honest to God plea for assistance, the writers should be taken to task for their indiscreet protocol. This is not the way to accomplish the goal they intend.

On the other hand, if the post is fraudulent, and I believe it is, the onus rests fully on the person that posted it. Bad taste begets bad taste.


I can see how Dancin and others might find the responses insensitive, but that's only due to their belief that the post was credible. By all appearances there is enough suspect information for most to find it ill conceived.

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Poster: William Tell Date: Jan 3, 2007 3:45pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: A lurker speaks out

I agree with you Earl; I am convinced it's a hoax, and with so much of it on the web these days, the poster does have some responsibility (though I give her the benefit of the doubt for a well intentioned effort).

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Poster: Earl B. Powell Date: Jan 3, 2007 4:15pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: A lurker speaks out

Willy: I'm talking about whoever originated this ill conceived idea. DB, bless her heart, as they say down here, was acting in good faith and from concern.

She should have been called out on playing along with this questionable post from another site. Then again, most shot the message rather than the messenger...didn't seem to hold her responsible at all.

Go figure.

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Poster: William Tell Date: Jan 3, 2007 4:42pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: A lurker speaks out

Right.

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Poster: William Tell Date: Jan 3, 2007 1:37pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: A lurker speaks out

Appreciate your thought, though I couldn't follow who you meant in the second paragraph (not that it matters), but as I said (and then deleted just to encourage 'moving forward') below, and in agreement with Robthe, and SSAG, it just seemed to get a bit out of hand, and once it was personalized, nasty.

We can't seem to eliminate these events, nor would we want to be that serious about policing one another, so I think the advice given above is the best: try to be nice, but accept that humor and e communication lends itself to the creation of micommunications and corresponding hurt feelings that you have to accept as inevitable and move on from...

Lets get back to celebrating the music and the New Year.

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Poster: Ssag Date: Jan 3, 2007 1:46pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: A lurker speaks out

What I was talking about is "what is offensive" and "what is not". By my way of thinking I dont think anything is "taboo". What if they told Lenny Bruce or other artists to stop what they were doing, where would our society be today in the 2000's? We should not be about condeming and throwing morals around at each other. I am talking both sides here. To me this name calling and telling people they shouldn't have done that or this is a way to censor others and I completely disagree with any form of censorship no matter how tasteless. That being said maybe if you dispise something just let it go and ignore it because we all have our faults and our way of looking at things including death. Neither side is wrong here but to try to clam others up with attacks with moral grounds strikes me funny for an openminded group of people like ourselves. To me this is no differant then what the religous zealots do in this country to us all day long. Lets just live and let live. Thats all I hope that says it better.

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Poster: William Tell Date: Jan 3, 2007 2:09pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: A lurker speaks out

Whoops--the second paragraph comment was for Gentle Jack; I read, and agree with, you wholeheartedly.

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Poster: Ssag Date: Jan 3, 2007 2:29pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: A lurker speaks out

I am not on the record as saying that I am directing this at him......but I dont think its cool either to shove that shit he wrote up anyone's ass.

Now the Doc has a right to be pissed about some of the stuff and I hope this will only be a fleeting mood and he will stick around because I for one think whats he says about music is fantastic. I dont know Dancingbears there but obviously I hope she doesnt leave either. Its appearant she gets a lot of respect from everybody and I would feel as though I was missing something.

But what I dont like is when someone comes on here and starts telling others that they are group of assholes and loud mouths. Who exactly are you that you can cast a stone at other people? That post made everything worse then what it was up to this point. I think the people involved wouldhave been able to work it out.

I havent said much about this nor anything offensive about the missing person but lets all just calm down. I think it is obvious no one meant any harm to anyone else when they were writing whatever it was they wrote.

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Poster: Ssag Date: Jan 3, 2007 1:21pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: A lurker speaks out

I think we all need to slow down a little....this has gotten bigger than it should have. Everyone should respect everyone else's ideals here. Yes, to some death is something to be taken seriously but to others its a way of laughing off the envitable. Neither is right or wrong. But comdemning and chastizing each other shouldnt be the way here. Personally, I didnt see much wrong but I can see how some would be pissed off about the joking. I was unsure if what I said was offensive so I erased mine but I started thinking that isnt right either. We should never be about censorship in any form no matter how offensive and thats what this has turned into. Telling others whats right or wrong to say isnt what we should be about either. we all have our different paths and ideas. Both sides are doing it to each other not just one. Live and Let Live and lets move on.

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Poster: robthewordsmith Date: Jan 3, 2007 11:02am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: A lurker speaks out

If I think, no am pretty much convinced, that the 'dead deadhead' is a hoax, then how is saying so an insult or disrespectful to the original poster? Would you prefer that I didn't express my opinion or is it only ok to do so if it doesn't offend your sensibilities or your sense of what's right and wrong? Sorry and all that, but that isn't going to happen. Here we speak our minds. If I'm one of the so-called 'sarcastic assholes' you bravely don't name then just follow the old forum dictum whenever you see my name on a post - 'don't like - don't read'. Otherwise, time zones permitting, I'm open for discussion...

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Poster: SDH2O Date: Jan 3, 2007 11:31am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: A lurker speaks out

That and a glass of Laphroaig don't lie.

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Poster: cosmicharlie Date: Jan 3, 2007 11:35am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: A lurker speaks out

might i add that dancingbears simply forwarded a myspace posting with kind intentions. IF there is any hoax, it would be on myspace. I think Orchid's flame to me touched on some personal issue, I realise my take on life & death are simply mine. I'm sorry if I offended him (or others) and I apologise.(if he ever reads this post).

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Poster: SDH2O Date: Jan 3, 2007 11:46am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: A lurker speaks out

Well, I think we have all apologized enough here. Going forward it should be kept in mind that this is a free forum and as long as the attacks are not personal (don't worry, I don't take being called a "sarcastic asshole" as a personal attack...much) no one should be offended. All posters here, myself included, are subject to any and all forms of comments from the reader, be they positive or negative; I only get upset when the comments are demeaning on a personal level and there is no obvious light heartedness behind it. To each his own.

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Poster: cosmicharlie Date: Jan 3, 2007 11:57am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: A lurker speaks out

I was talking to a lady friend this morning about an old boyfriend and a very good friend of mine that had passed away on 12/18. She cracked a joke that she bet he was good and stiff now...and i laughed!
Bob had a great(and sick) sense of humor and I believe he laughted with us. Does that make me a sick bastard? Oh well! (I'll be dying to see him....ka-boom!)

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Poster: cush11 Date: Jan 3, 2007 12:07pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: A lurker speaks out

I certainly hope many jokes will be made and many glasses (and "other stuff" too) will raised when I'm gone... Oh, but I guess the jokes are already happening... ;)